Conversations about money are not the easiest thing to have, especially with a romantic partner. In today’s article, 4 Nigerian couples open up and talk about how they handle financial stress in their relationships.
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Victor and Oyin Akpan
Married for 5 years
Oyin and Victor met back in 2006. Oyin had just completed her JAMB and WAEC exams and was visiting a friend at Covenant University which was where she met Victor for the first time and their friendship eventually blossomed into a relationship. They are married with two beautiful children.
Do you talk about money in your relationship?
Oyin: We do. We used to talk about money even when we were dating.
What kind of conversations do you have about money?
Victor: Mostly about bills, and when we want to plan for investments, savings, future plans, and children’s school fees.
How do you approach managing your finances together?
Victor: We obviously know our strengths and weaknesses. I am more of the spender and my wife is a saver, so she’s the one that manages our joint account. I literally don’t want to mess that up. So, we have a joint account for the big bills and another for groceries.
Have you ever had any heated conversations about money?
Victor: Money has never been an issue. Most of the time, it’s really just us having conversations to reevaluate how much we get to spend compared to what needs to be saved.
Oyin: What has really saved us from having heated conversations was the fact that we had been friends for a very long time and we knew what we were like about money. He’s usually about us going out and having fun but I’m a bit wary about spending money. So we play on each other’s strengths and weaknesses to make decisions around spending.
Being transparent about our finances really helped us when we started dating even though it was a hard conversation to have. Knowing how much we made back when we were both earning 60,000 naira and living in Abuja helped us decide how to allocate money better. So, transparency has taken out the guesswork of arguing about money.
That’s great! What’s one thing you spend a lot of money on together?
Oyin: Well, asides from rent, we tend to spend a lot of money on groceries and food.
What’s the best/most expensive gift you have both gotten each other since you’ve been together?
Oyin: Wow. This is a lot. We are talking anniversary, Valentine, Christmas, Father’s day, and Mother’s day gifts.
My favourite gift was a beautiful ring he gifted me from a trip he went on in Dubai while were still dating. I still have the ring. Two years before we got married, he got me a pretty Swatch watch on Valentine’s day. The most expensive gift would be a gold chain he got me in 2008 before we even started dating.
Most of our gifting decisions are based on emotions and necessity.
He got me plants for my birthday last year which was something that I wanted. It also helped me out of a depression I was having at the time.
Victor: We don’t really do expensive, we look at what we need and decide based on that to gift each other.
What financial advice would you give to other couples?
Victor: Don’t borrow. That’s one law that I have stuck with. Borrowing can put you in serious debt which can lead to depression and a lot of headaches.
Oyin: We avoid taking loans and make do with what we have which has really helped us. I lost my job last year and my husband wasn’t working because of the lockdown and restaurants being shut down. So, we had to get smart about how we were spending and buy things in bulk. Be sensitive enough to know when you’re spending a lot and when you need to cut down on your spending. Also, know your partner and how they relate to money.
Very important! What are your long term financial goals as a couple?
Victor: She is more proactive about planning our finances, so I leave it to her to do most of it and then we discuss what works for us
Oyin: I would say that he’s actually been very involved in the process. One of our goals would be to get into real estate. We have talked about owning properties and turning them into flats to rent out.
We have also discussed opening up a restaurant because Victor’s a chef, so that’s a major investment for us.
Victor is a chef and runs @chowstation_ng. He also trains in continental dishes and mixology. If you’re looking for a private chef for your private dining and small get-togethers, you can contact him on Instagram @chef_isie
Oyin is into interior design, planting, and blogging. You can also reach out to her on Instagram if you’re in need of a Social Media Strategist @oyinva
Tomiwa and Dawn Immanuel
Together for 3 years. Married for one year
Dawn caught Tomiwa’s attention when he saw her singing on a mutual friend’s Instagram story. The mutual friend talked to Dawn a couple of times to try and “sell Tomiwa’s market”. After which, they eventually started following each other on Instagram and didn’t meet until a year later.
They got talking and he invited her to church. From there, they started seeing more of each other.
Do you talk about money in your relationship? What kind of conversations do you have?
Tomiwa: Yes, we do.
Dawn: Basically, we started out having conversations to get to know who’s the better saver, who’s worse at saving, or who’s the spender in the relationship. These conversations were one of those things that were important to me when we were dating.
I want to know that you won’t embezzle funds. Lol. So I was initiating the conversation early but Tomiwa was a bit locked up about it at first. I would ask how much he has left from his salary and he’d be like ‘Why are you asking that question?’
So, it’s mostly about how much do we have, what can we afford at the moment? How do we build what we have now and make more money.
What would you say your approach is in managing your finances right now?
Tomiwa: After coming to the point of having honest conversations about money, we decided that she is probably better at managing money.
Dawn: We didn’t decide, we found out that I was better. But go on.
Tomiwa: We have an account that most of our money comes into, so I installed the app on her phone and logged in that account so she can manage it. I still make transactions via USSD code and other means but she gets to monitor all of that so we can account for what I spend money on because I tend to spend…
Dawn: Impulsively
Seems like that’s a thing in a lot of relationships. The guys spend a lot.
Dawn: And it’s funny because people always say ladies like money. We like money to keep!
Tomiwa: You say that because that’s your experience. Some other relationships have it the other way round.
Very true. Have you two ever had any heated conversations about money?
Dawn: We don’t have heated conversations like that.
Tomiwa: Yeah we don’t. The most heated conversations we have probably had were the ones that led up to the point of me admitting that maybe I really am a frivolous spender who needs…
Dawn: Saving. See what I did there?
Lmao. So what’s one thing you spend a lot of money on together?
Dawn and Tomiwa: Food.
Aha! Everyone seems to agree on that! But anyway, food is expensive. What’s the best/most expensive gift you have both gotten each other?
Dawn: The best gift Tomiwa has gotten me was a phone. It’s the best because it came when I really needed it. I just got robbed then and my phone was stolen.
A week or two later, he invited me over to his place and told me to close my eyes. Nollywood style. Lol. He dropped the phone on the bed and when I picked it up and I was like ‘oh wow’. Well, he said I cried, I don’t remember that part. Lol.
Tomiwa: She didn’t even go ‘wow’ she just started crying. There were tears.
That’s really sweet.
Tomiwa: I try you know. For our one year anniversary, she did a week-long countdown to the date and I was getting gifts every day for 7 days. She got me this lovely casual two-piece attire. I really loved it and still do.
It ties with a pair of chelsea boots she got me as well but the atmosphere under which she gifted me the two-piece gives it an edge.
I love the 7-day countdown. What financial advice do you have for other couples or those who are single?
Tomiwa: Be open about your finances because you don’t know what help you would need from your partner in making better choices. I never would have thought it was something I needed to do to become a better spender. I opened up to Dawn completely while we started dating and it’s gotten better now that we are married.
Cultivate the habit of transparency in your finances. With the way our society is developed and the patriarchy, a lot of men still don’t think they should be telling their wives these things. Having these conversations is another interesting way to practice transparency in every relationship.
Dawn: My advice would go to the single person trying to figure out their finances. Focus more on sticking to your budget than actually saving your money. Saving won’t really matter if you aren’t sticking to your budget.
What are your long-term financial goals as a couple?
Tomiwa: Ah! O por gan!
Dawn: Mine would be to have enough money for my kids, especially for their education because I grew up in a house where I struggled to go to school. I never want my child(ren) to have to experience that. I want us to be able to afford to take them to good schools.
Tomiwa: I agree. For me, It’s generally being able to afford everything good that I would want to give my family.
Tomiwa is a talented voice-over artist and is available to take on projects that will help bring your scripts or ads to life. Follow him on Twitter @TomiwaImmanuel
Dawn is a well-experienced editor, so if you’re looking to edit your book, you can reach out to her on Twitter @Dawn_Immanuel
*Emeka and Temi
Dating for 1 year and 3 months
Emeka and Temi met each other on a mutual friend’s group chat. Temi had just joined the group and Emeka was on the list of people her friend suggested she might like to talk to. They finally got to see each other at a hangout on the beach and that was the start of a beautiful relationship.
What kind of conversations do you have about money?
Temi: Ah, we need to blow o, because money is very important. We don’t exactly manage our finances together. We don’t have a joint account or anything but we make sure that we’re both getting the knowledge we need to be able to boost our finances individually so that when we eventually get married in the future, it will be better for both of us.
Emeka: To add to what Temi has said, we’re very transparent with where we are. We both know how much we earn and try our best to be transparent about how much we spend.
Love it! Have you had any heated conversations about money before?
Emeka and Temi: Nope. Never.
What’s one thing you spend a lot of money on together?
Emeka: Food and gifts
Talking about gifts, what’s the best or most expensive gift you’ve both gotten each other since you’ve been together?
Temi: I would say perfume. But the best were mules. I was so happy about those pair of shoes because they are so easy to wear. I’ve been wearing them a lot since he got them for me. In this case, I need another one. Thanks.
Emeka: Mad o. You got it!
For me, I think the most expensive were these pair of suede Chelsea boots. Mad stuff. It was really nice.
She gave me a fountain pen, the kind you dip in ink, like in those classic vintage movies. It was so thoughtful because I like pens and pads. According to her, she walked into a store, saw it and knew I would like it.
I still have it, I like to use it once in a while.
That’s really cute. Off the top of your minds, what’s a very interesting money conversation you have both had in the past?
Emeka: There was a time I was in a bit of debt and it was very hard but I had to have a conversation with Temi. No one wants to be in situations like that but I realized it was a conversation I had to have.
There was no point keeping it to myself because honesty, openness, and transparency are core values of our relationship.
It was a tough conversation to have but we had it and thankfully that debt is clear. So, we are good.
Temi, how would you say you handled that particular situation?
Emeka: Do you remember?
Temi: Yes na. I understood that it wasn’t an easy conversation for him to have. I mean, debt is a part of life.
It was important for me to know what led to him incurring those debts. You know, for finances, incurring debt is not a problem, it’s about what you are incurring debts towards. Are you incurring debts because you want to buy things or be lavish? Was it a need, or because you want to finance or boost a project? It was totally fine finding out that Emeka didn’t get into debts for any outlandish reasons.
Do you have any financial advice for other couples out there?
Emeka: Omo, I think I would say you guys read o. As in, read and acquire knowledge. You might think you know it all already when it comes to saving and think it’s just money, ‘I know how to save. I will budget’. But you still need to read.
For the past 3 months, the information I have been exposed to has really shifted my mind. Honestly, you really don’t know how much you don’t know until you start to learn.
Like I always say, have conversations, be open with your friends and those you trust because no matter how big your eyes are, you can’t see the back of your head, so you need to get perspective from as many wise and trusted people as possible.
Abi, Temi, have I said anything out of place?
Temi: Not at all, you’re speaking for both of us, babe.
What are your long-term financial goals as a couple?
Emeka: We want to lowo, we want to layo, we want to la laafia.
Temi: Abi! That’s it!
Emeka: So, our long term goal is to be financially free. That’s a bit vague, but to break it down. We plan to have investments in businesses and own property. It’s important that we are able to afford everything that we want to get and that we can give as generously as possible.
Temi: You can look at us as investors. In the sense that we aim to work, have as many sources of income as we can, increase them as we grow, and then invest our money in various opportunities like stocks, property. and definitely cryptocurrency.
Becoming angel visitors or getting into Venture Capital are also goals we would like to make happen in the future.
*Kunle and Nike
Dating for 4 years and 8 months
Kunle and Nike first noticed each other at an ATM queue in the university. Nike had withdrawn some cash to get something to eat at a stall but was unable to get change from the seller. Kunle who had just stopped by at a pharmacy noticed Nike again with the seller and offered to pay for her. She refused at first but later accepted and they exchanged numbers after.
Do you talk about money in your relationship?
Kunle: Ah! A whole lot, Nike likes money like mad and can talk about money from morning till night. All she talks about is money.
Nike: LMAO. wow.
What kind of conversations do you have about money and how do you manage your finances together?
Kunle: Omo. I thank God for my babe. She’s the one who manages most of our finances. She’s always talking about investments and has helped me so far. I allow her to manage my finances because she’s better at managing finances than I am. I have a very picky…
Temi: …flamboyant lifestyle
Kunle: Lol. She’s right. It’s easier to let her manage finances. She’s always upfront and has never scammed me. So, we are fine.
Nike: Lmao. So you think I would scam you.
We mostly talk about knowing how and where to keep money that comes in, like investments. what percentage to put in. A sane amount not insane. Lol because he likes spending money like a mad man.
Kunle: Lol, so make I no wear good cloth, make I wear rag abi?
Nike: Lmao. We also save for the future and for rainy days.
Haha. You two are hilarious. Have you ever had any heated conversations about money?
Nike: Ah, we had one yesterday now.
Lmao. Yesterday? Would you like to share?
Nike: Kunle had already spent way more than he should have spent for the week. Apparently, he needed money for something urgent but I didn’t even calm down to hear what he needed it for. I started ranting saying I honestly want to know if he is mad. Then he made me realize that something came up and he needed to clear some bills.
Most of the time, his overspending habit is the cause of the heated conversations we have about money.
Lmao. Everything comes down to you, Kunle.
Kunle: Haha. I don’t even know what to say but yeah she’s 80% right.
Nike doesn’t want me to spend money or get used to having it.
Nike: That’s what he thinks. He thinks because I’m Ijebu -Well, we are actually both Ijebu – that I’m always strict with spending because I simply don’t like spending but that’s not true, I just don’t want to end up stranded. Although I must confess, I also spend money on some stupid things sometimes.
Aha. So you’re almost as guilty. What’s one thing you spend a lot of money on together?
Nike: Maybe food?
Kunle: Food and Data.
I think food is a major cost in every relationship.
Kunle: Ah, Nike’s own is different. It’s one of a kind.
What’s the best or most expensive gift you’ve both gotten each other?
Kunle: The best gift was a jar of words she got me. She told me to pick one out every day and read. It had 365 days worth of sweet notes written on colourful paper. The most expensive would be a tank top and shorts.
Nike: Wow. Lmao. Well, I don’t really think I have spent money on him, not like I would like to because I don’t really have money like that. Right now, I’m pretty good with giving thoughtful gifts like the jar of words.
The best gift he has gotten me was three different wigs all at once. The most expensive is most likely the phone that I’m currently using.
Love to see it! What financial advice do you have for other couples out there?
Nike: First and foremost, have more than three streams of income so you don’t get broke. Secondly, have savings that you won’t touch. Thirdly, I feel if you aren’t financially stable enough with at least even one stream of income to sustain you, I don’t think it’s advisable to rush into a relationship. Kunle, do you have anything to add?
Kunle: You’ve already given advice for the both of us. You didn’t even give me a chance to say anything before you said ‘first and foremost’. Lol.
So what are your long-term financial goals as a couple?
Kunle: Omo. E plenty.
Nike: Well, one of them would be not having to think about the cost of things before getting them and also having enough money to fall back on without having to consider the cost of things before we spend. Also having investments that come with sensible returns on a short or long-term basis.
Do you have an interesting story of a personal experience you will like to share or be interviewed on? Reach out to us at social@haloasset.ng
We keep our interviewees’ names anonymous on request.
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